I'm Nir and this is my writing dump. I read and write lots of slash and femslash. Most of my posts will be fanfics, but there might be the occasional piece of original fiction, or even character profiles. Fics are tagged by characters, pairings, and fandoms, so check my tags page if you're looking for anything specific. Layout credits are in my profile.
vethrfolnir: (✻ it's dangerous to go alone)
[personal profile] vethrfolnir
Title: Loved and Lost
Fandom: Dragon Age (Origins, II, Inquisition)
Characters: Anders, Adrian Hawke, Cadenza Lavellan
Pairings: Fenris/Adrian, one-sided Anders/Adrian
Warnings: Character death, vague descriptions of violence
Notes: Anders sees Adrian in the Fade. This takes place some time after the Fenris/Adrian drabble, and it's getting back to my angsty roots. Part four of a series of drabbles/one-shots gushing about the DA romances.

Chapter OneChapter TwoChapter Three

Anders woke in a cold sweat. Sunlight burned white into his eyes, already stinging with salt as he forced himself to blink, and he felt grass and damp earth under his palms. He had no idea where he was. But there was one thought salient in his mind: Adrian Hawke is dead.

The fear had haunted him many times before. Night after night, Anders saw Adrian's face looking up at him, the life drained out of his eyes. A templar's sword through his chest, or worse, the Tranquil's filthy brand on his forehead...

For every nightmare, Anders tried to remember what he was fighting for: a future where mages like Adrian could live freely. But this time, it was different; it was real.

He had seen Adrian in the Fade, as solid as the earth beneath his hands. Strong arms, bright eyes, dark brown skin, that huge smile Anders fell in love with, ages ago. His hair was shaved down to his scalp, jaw rough with stubble, and there was a scar on his cheek Anders didn't remember. He was different, but Anders didn't care. He hadn't seen Adrian so clearly in years.

"You look like you're going to cry." Adrian laughed. Maker, had Anders missed that laugh. "I need to be the one to do this, Cadenza. Everything that happened in Kirkwall -- everything happening now, with Corypheus... it's my fault. Let me do this. Let me make this right."

Cadenza. The name snagged in his memory. He remembered now; there were other men with Adrian. A man in Warden armor, and a gangling elf with red hair and the sun in his hand. The light emanating from the elf's palm was too bright -- green light fractured Anders's vision, and a great, terrible roar drowned out everything but Adrian's voice:

"Go! I'll cover you!"

Then, there was something else... more than Adrian or those two men -- this presence was so deeply rooted in the Fade that it shaped the world around it. The icy chill that gripped his heart told him that this was Fear.

It could have been a nightmare like any other. But the hope was gone as quickly as it came. Anders knew that Adrian was gone. He went down fighting, beating back demons to give the others a chance to escape.

The elf had hesitated, wanted to stay. Adrian smiled at him. "Say goodbye to Varric for me. And... tell Fenris... I'm sorry."

The elf left him behind. He let Adrian die. And fool that he was, Adrian thought it was justice.

Justice. Anders wanted to scream. It wasn't Adrian's fault. It was never his fault -- Anders had begged him not to blame himself. And now he was dead and Anders had just gotten to see his smile again and it was gone, Adrian was gone, he died with Fenris's bloody name on his lips and he would never know how much Anders loved him, needed him --

His fists collided with the dirt. Magic cracked open silvery blue veins in his skin, his insides alight with flame. This was wrong. He shouldn't be dead.

"It should have been me!" Anders sobbed.

Justice for the mages, for the Chantry, for all the people he killed -- but Adrian couldn't even give him that. "Make this right," He'd said, his hand warm on Anders's wrist as he pulled him up to his feet. It was more warmth than he deserved.

"Make this right..."

Anders swore to himself he would.

Someone needed to answer for Adrian's death. Immediately, he fixated on the elf -- the one with green fire in his hand -- the one who abandoned him.

Cadenza. He will find him.

Anders knew that Fenris was going to hear about this soon. He only hoped he could get there first.